There's been situations where I've gone to places and there's like a step or whatever and people are like, "Oh, we'll just carry you."

And you're like, "One, I never give you permission to carry me.

Two, um, no."

[ Laughs ] ♪♪ Hi.

I'm Lynne Marie Rosenberg.

Welcome to "Famous Cast Words: Quarantine Edition."

We're bringing you today's episode from my home here in Brooklyn, New York, and I am joined, by the magic of teleconferencing, by actor, model, and activist Jillian Mercado.

You might know Jillian from her modeling campaigns with Diesel, Nordstrom, Target, Glamour, and Cosmopolitan, to name just a few, as well as for Beyoncé's Formation campaign.

Or you might know her from her recurring role as Maribel on "The L Word: Generation Q."

You might not know her as the National Dance Institute's first graduate with a visible disability, at the age of 13.

Hi, Jillian.

Hi!

-[ Laughs ] I'm so happy to have you here today.

Thank you for having me.

Such a great introduction there.

Oh!

I'm so glad.

So welcome to quarantine.

How has your quarantine been?

How has this bizarre, strange year that we're in been for you?

It's been a spectrum of emotions.

-Yes.

-It's been amazing, as well, horrifying.

I've had an opportunity to like reflect on myself and others that I share my energy to, which has been my growing.

It's like growing, the growth within me.

♪♪ I'd love if you could tell us a little bit about how you got started in the entertainment industry, in general, essentially, from, not behind the scenes, but in the design world, and how you've now wound up a very much public figure, at this point.

My goal, what I thought my goal or career path was becoming an editor for a magazine because, essentially, my thought process was to hire or to profile people who look like myself, people who had disabilities, in magazines, where I saw that representation with little to none.

So I loved fashion.

I loved fashion since the beginning of time, or my existence, for that matter.

And so I knew that that was, at least, the umbrella that I wanted to be under, so I did.

You know, I went to college, I studied marketing, I went to a couple internships.

I was at an industry party and had a great conversation with, at the time, the fashion director of Diesel and he was doing a campaign.

And I signed up for his casting call, just for like, "Let's see what happens" kind of situation.

And I got it.

-[ Laughs ] -And I was like -- ♪ A whole new world ♪ And that's where it all began and that was my first modeling gig and the immense love that I got from the public and, you know, the messages I got from various groups of like young people to like older people, saying, like, "I really never thought this was ever going to happen in my lifetime, to see somebody just who happens to have a disability on a campaign, but the campaign has nothing to do with this person's disability," was the first of its kind.

And I was like, "Whoa!

This is exactly the impact I wanted to do as an editor, but, now, I'm like the person."

It's kinda dope.

♪♪ Because I have nothing to do with the modeling world, I am curious.

Do you go to go-sees or to auditions that are specifically looking for representation of disability or do you go to a more general pool of auditions?

Both.

I think that there's a lot of people who hire me because they know me and either they want to check that box, which, I hate saying that out loud.

If I'm able to be like that first, starter, token person, then I'll be their first person.

Like that's fine with me, as long as you know, now, to continue to do so.

But there's also like I have a really open communication with my team and I'm like I like stirring the pot, as you probably can tell, and just throw me auditions so, then, I show up and be like, "Hey, what's up?"

[ Pop ] -Yeah.

Oh, I love that.

Oh!

Oh, it's unaccessible?

Oh!

[ Laughs ] Look at that!

Look at that.

Look at that.

Now you missed on an opportunity to have me here.

♪♪ I think the periphery to being an actor and a model is travel, right?

-Yes.

-That you're traveling constantly and so you're dealing with issues of accessibility also, but you're also dealing with the health and well-being of your chair.

-Yeah.

-Can you talk a little bit about that?

Every single time I board a plane, specifically, I always have to worry for the amount of time that I'm on this plane, "Am I going to get my legs back when I get out of my plane?"

And it's a constant fear.

And, for many times already, I want to say, in my lifetime, probably more than 10 times, that my chair has been completely obliterated and broken.

There's been situations where I've like cried so hard because I'm like, "I traveled for a job.

Now, I can't go to work because of this situation that you did.

-Yeah.

-I didn't choose this.

You did.

You chose my destiny right now."

♪♪ I started following your career in like 2017, 2018, because I was mentoring a young woman who has muscular dystrophy and you have muscular dystrophy as well.

And she's this wonderful writer.

She's this hilarious performer and she was doing such great work and I wanted to find for her people that she could see doing work professionally in the industry and, as you said, there was just no representation.

And then, I came across your Twitter feed and your Instagram and I was like, "Oh, my God, I found the jackpot"... -Yay.

-...because she's also Latina and she's also Black and I was just like, "I have this person for you!"

But it was, you know, the fact that I'm excited because I found one person is the problem, right?

-Yeah.

You know, when people ask me, "Oh, how does it feel like to be one of the first" to get to where I am, and I'm like, "It feels great, but it also doesn't feel great because I'm 100% sure that people before me, who have tried to get to the level that I am at currently, at the moment, didn't get here, not because they couldn't, but because you didn't want them to be," you know?

Celebrating me really is just saying that you weren't looking when it was presented to you before.

Before, it wasn't cool.

And, now that it's cool, you're like on the train.

-Right, yeah.

-You know?

And I think something to talk about, specifically, in regards to television and film representation with disability, in terms of this conversation, is that you also have 95% of disabled roles being played by nondisabled bodies.

I wonder if you have thoughts about that.

[ Laughs ] I'm like internalizing screaming right now.

You know, back in the day, white people used to do blackface in theater and that was considered okay.

Yep.

Try somebody do that now.

-Right.

-Try someone do that now.

They would be extremely ridiculed.

They'll be canceled.

It's the same.

It's how I view it for a disability, where you're not allowing somebody's narrative or story being told, you're assuming somebody's narrative that we don't even relate to, that we've never signed off on.

Even if there's like a consultant or they like to say, "Oh, we had a focus group," or whatever, that's -- no.

You're removing a job from someone who wanted and should've been there, you know?

And, if you can't find someone, then don't do it.

I'm sorry.

It's as easy as that.

Don't do it.

Because, if it's not done by us, then it shouldn't be there at all.

You're taking what is already a problematically small pool of roles and taking it away from the actors trying just to get work and then giving them Oscars for doing it.

That's the worst part, is that every single movie that's come out that has the focus on disability or somebody who has a disability has always won -- and I quote -- the Inspiration Porn Award.

Absolutely.

You know?

It really hurts our community.

It hurt me when I was younger, seeing that on television and being like, "But that's not how I see myself, at all.

I don't know why they're so sad.

I don't know why like we need to be saved or healed or cured."

♪♪ So, now, we're going to look at some breakdowns.

As a reminder for anyone at home, breakdowns are the brief character descriptions used in the casting world.

Jillian, as you have now expanded into the world of acting, I'm here to prepare you for some of the things you might start to see in all of these breakdowns.

So I'm going to send you some language in the chat that has come from breakdowns.

If you would be so kind as to read it for us.

I'm ready.

The actor prepares.

[ Laughter ] Okay.

Where you are a woman, Latina, and a wheelchair user, I thought we'd look at the colorful language that is out there for each of those demographics.

As a Latina, content makers will talk about you less like a human and more like the menu at a 4th of July party.

Firecracker.

You're a human being and you're a firecracker.

And, as a woman, you can expect to play a major role in any story.

But, speaking of inspiration, you'll be doing that a lot, as a wheelchair user.

[ Laughter ] Because that is what disabled people are here to do, is inspire you over us.

It's just like being a woman!

[ Laughs ] -Wow.

In order to inspire, you may need to be a superhuman overachiever.

All times, just joy nonstop, that's what wheelchair users do.

[ Laughs ] Though, often, the language used to describe your mobility device seems a little immobile.

Because that is all that we are, stuck and glued to our chairs.

Wheelchair-ridden, to me, sounds like you're infested with small wheelchairs.

[ Laughs ] -Oh, yeah.

[ Laughter ] It doesn't even make sense.

Content makers tend to be confused about what wheelchairs have to do with personality.

But then, there are also confused on who's even appropriate for the role.

They were so close.

[ Laughs ] Bitch, what?

[ Laughs ] Just period!

Just put the period after "apply."

That's it.

I know.

You would've solved the problem.

Or, say, "We are only interested in seeing actors with physical disabilities."

-100%.

Yeah.

The "encourage" is weird, too.

Yeah, because it feels a little paternalistic... Yeah.

...of like, "Go ahead, audition."

"I'm allowing you to."

Bitch, get out.

What do you mean, you're allowing me?

And, lastly, don't be surprised if you find yourself indeterminately tokenized.

Nothing says, "inclusive advocacy" like "etc."

"Etc."

To just throw in that "etc.," just is such a "Screw you."

I mean, it's just a like, "Yeah, we just need someone to fill this box and that's how we're going to cast" whatever this was.

Also, walkers?

That means that you -- what?

-Right.

Right.

-Help, Lord.

-[ Laughs ] -Oh, my God.

Wow!

Wow, wow, wow.

We have a lot of work to do!

Oh, we have so much work to do.

-Ooh!

-Yeah.

It's interesting.

You're one of the first people I've had on the show that doesn't read breakdowns on a regular basis, that, you know, that breakdowns are not part of the modeling world, necessarily, in the same way that they're part of the acting world and to see your visceral reaction to this language, I think, is really important, that people understand these words cause pain.

The way we talk about humans can be actually painful to people and that it's so important, as an industry, that we change the harm that we're causing.

Because, honestly, looking at these and like let's say I am like a young adult who, you know, doesn't have a lot of life experience or whatnot, or just entering that world of adulthood.

Looking at this, I mean, having, you know, studied and done the classes and, you know, whatever have you, to be an actor and looking at this and I'm like, "This is depressing."

-Yeah.

-This is not who -- Like I don't fit any of these.

-Yeah.

-"She sits in a wheelchair."

I sit in a wheelchair.

"But is fearless and fierce"?

Like, what if I'm not?

What if I'm just like regular basic Jill, just, you know, trying to survive out here?

And, you know, see -- So, it hurts and then, you know, that comes with like your mental health and just being like, "Wow," if this is bad, behind the scenes, I'm terrified to actually get a position and be around people in front of the scenes, you know?

Like how am I going to be treated, if I do get the part, and will I feel good about getting this part?

♪♪ I'd love to talk about the positive side of representation, specifically, the character that you play on "L Word: Generation Q," Maribel.

You know, Maribel is a sister, a daughter, an immigration attorney who just happens to have a disability.

-Yeah.

-And that's it, you know?

Like that's my character, you know?

It wasn't part of the character, so what was the point of talking about it, you know?

Interesting enough, my character, although before getting onscreen, they were specifically looking for someone who had a visible disability and who was Latin... -Interesting.

-...which was nice.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Because, again, it just doesn't happen, where I see somebody on a movie or a television show that just happens to have a disability and, throughout the whole thing, like you never know why, you never know what happened, which also gives the privacy of the person not needing to talk about it, you know?

And, you know, unfortunately, there's a lot of ignorance, when it comes to talking about disability to somebody who has a disability, just because, unfortunately, in the media, it's always seen as it's okay to just go up to someone and say, "Hey, what happened?"

-Yeah.

-And I'm just like -- "What do you mean, 'What happened'?

What are you talking about, 'What happened'?

'What happened'?

What did happen?

Like what happened?"

Was there like an accident?

Like what did happen?"

Like, nowadays, I'm a little bit more sarcastic, if I get the question -- but I do know what they're saying -- just to prove a point.

Yeah.

Oh, 100%, yeah.

But I think, again, it's not the person's fault for asking.

I think it's because what they see, that it's on the media, that is appropriate, apparently.

I know you.

What's wrong?

I'm just scared -- Maribel: Of what?

I'm just scared that she's going to keep making decisions without me.

Virginia: Let it go, mija.

Yeah.

So what?

You're going to have a big, fun wedding, like rich people.

Virginia: Yes!

Oh, God.

You'll figure it out after the wedding.

Yes.

Or, if things don't get better, tsk...

Both: You could always get divorced.

My assumption is that, as far as the inclusion of their set goes, that you were well taken care of and that there was accessibility dealt with and I just wonder if you could talk a little bit about the accessibility on set.

I've been so blessed and privileged and grateful, you know, all those words, that I didn't have to do any intense like sit-down with them and say, "Hey, by the way, my chair is really heavy."

The one that I have, particularly, right now, weighs, if I'm not mistaken, 420 pounds, which is about a fridge-ish.

Like a good fridge, like the ones with the ice, you know?

-[ Laughs ] -Like that kind of fridge.

With like a filter in it.

Yeah, like it's fancy.

Like, you know, "Yes, honey," that kind of fridge.

-Yeah.

-And there's been situations where I've gone to places and there's like a step or whatever and people are like, "Oh, we'll just carry you."

And you're like, "One, I never gave you permission to carry me.

Two, um, no."

[ Laughs ] There's a location in the show -- without giving the magic of illusion -- that is not where it says it is.

It's actually a studio-built place.

So you have to go upstairs to get into this particular place.

And I had a scene in this place and I was just like -- I'm looking at it and I'm like, "Okay.

[ Pop ] Okay, now, we're going to have this conversation.

We're going to have this conversation today."

This is my first day on set and we're going to have -Oh, it was your first day?

-this conversation.

-Oh, God.

-And I was like, [ Staccato ] "How do we do this, Jillian?"

Because, unfortunately, the mind-set of somebody has a physical disability, for that matter, is one of being always a teacher, but also feeling like, if you do speak up, you'll be removed or disowned or feel like a burden, just because you want to enjoy whatever you want to enjoy.

So I looked at it -- and I kid you not -- like for five minutes, I was just staring at this like three-foot level and I'm just like, "Okay, Jillian, you got this."

I'm like, "You got this, girl.

You got this."

I'm like propping myself up.

Kid you not, for five minutes, that was me.

And then, after those five minutes, this guy who builds these like studios and stuff came up to me.

He's like, "Jillian, do you have a second?"

And I'm like, "Yeah, sure."

He's like, "Will you come with me?"

And I'm like, "Yeah, sure... Where are we going?"

And he was like, "Oh, I just want to like show you around this, you know, this little thing we have here."

And I was like, "Okay."

So I go with it.

I could cry.

They were building a ramp.

-Yeah.

-They built a ramp.

They built a ramp and I was just like -- [ Hushed ] "This is amazing!"

And I was like, "Oh, oh, okay, thank you.

Thanks for letting me know where this is."

In my mind, I was like -- ♪ Oh, my God, it's a fiesta ♪ I was mariachi band.

We were having all of it.

We had the foods, everything, in my mind.

That was a party in my mind.

But, again, this should not happen.

-Right, right.

-I should not be that excited.

I should not be that prepared and paranoid that there isn't accessibility, knowing, beforehand, that I was going to be there.

Jillian, thank you so much for joining me today.

It is such a pleasure to talk to you.

As you know, I have followed your career for many, many years and to have you on my computer screen is just a total joy.

Thank you so much for having me.

This is so fun and I hope that this is educational for a few who are watching and I hope this was funny and pure joy.

I'm just a jack of all trades and I had so -- like we're best friends, at this point.

-Clearly BFF forever.

-Forever.

[ Laughter ] Thank you at home so much for watching.

Take care of each other and be professional.

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪