VO: Some of the nation's favorite celebrities... Why have I got such expensive tastes?

VO: ..one antiques expert each... Oh!

(LAUGHS) How much would this thing cost?

VO: ..and one big challenge - who can seek out and buy the best antiques at the very best prices...

Answers on a postcard.

Oh!

VO: ..and auction for a big profit further down the road?

I think it's rather super.

VO: Who will spot the good investments?

Who will listen to advice?

Do you like it?

No, I think it's horrible.

VO: And who will be the first to say "Don't you know who I am?!"

Well done, us.

VO: Time to put your pedal to the metal - this is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

VO: Yeah!

VO: Today's Celebrity Antiques Road Trip is a family feud...

I'll do the honorable thing... Oh, how kind of you.

..that a son should do.

VO: ..featuring Judith "Wish You Were Here" Chalmers.

Can you tell me you will not nag at me when I'm driving?

Your father says that when I do it.

VO: And her son, Mark "Are We There Yet" Durden-Smith.

Did my father woo you in a vehicle like this?

I seem to think the tales of your romance involved a car with walnut dash.

There's no backseat, is there?

Why, are you expecting someone?

Are you ready to go?

Oh yes!

Let the henpecking begin.

(ENGINE RUMBLES) Listen to that noise.

Isn't it wonderful?

Tally-ho!

VO: From a BBC starlet in the 40s and 50s presenting news and quaffing champagne to four decades spent trotting the globe, Judith Chalmers has had a long and well-travelled career.

I have to say - and I'm rather pleasantly surprised - that we've been going in this car now for about three minutes and you've yet to grab the steering wheel... Twitch.

..hit me in the face.

Oh, I'm not as bad as that.

No, it's like when your arm comes across and you do that, it's a motherly love thing, I'm sure.

VO: Driving a dashing 1974 Triumph TR6 is Judith's son, Mark Durden-Smith.

Mark presents rugby for Sky and ITV, the National Lottery draw, and he's even done his bit for Sport Relief.

JUDITH: It's a fabulous morning in the middle of Britain, and it's glorious.

But it's about to turn nasty because as families go to war...

Yes, I want to win, I want to win.

I know.

You're a very competitive lady.

I think we'll have a lovely time, it'll be a fair fight.

I think it's so exciting to be doing something with you though.

I agree, and I hope at Christmas it's not awkward if I happen to have won.

We'll see about that.

VO: So which experts are going to help settle this family feud?

Well, in a gorgeous 1984 Mercedes SL are the men from Del Monte.

In the hat is James Lewis.

So it feels quite appropriate.

I feel as if we're going on holiday.

VO: And in the suit, it's Paul Laidlaw.

What could you be referring to?

And I did wish you were here, and you are here.

VO: Paul Laidlaw is an expert in militaria and has been collecting everything from bottles to shells since he was a small boy.

Now he's collecting TV presenters and he's hoping for a national treasure today.

PAUL: The legend that is... JAMES: I know.

..Judith Chalmers.

Holy Moses!

I grew up watching her.

Didn't we all!

VO: I know I did.

Gentleman James Lewis is an expert in porcelain, ceramics and paintings, but can he tell his vintage beauties apart today?

The funny thing is when I used to do a certain other antiques show, Gloria Hunniford said "People always think I'm Judith Chalmers!"

So I was just wondering if people think Judith Chalmers is Gloria Hunniford.

PAUL: So do you have a preference?

Mark or Judith?

Mark's a rugby union man, isn't he?

So I believe.

Are you a rugby man?

JAMES: I like rugby.

PAUL: Yeah?

I do like rugby.

Um...

I prefer holidays though!

VO: So it looks like it'll be Mark and Paul against James and Judith.

But where are we going to be wishing we were on this road trip?

Well, both of our jet set teams will be enjoying some lovely British weather as they spend their £400, starting off just outside Evesham and traveling through the beautiful English counties of Worcestershire and Gloucestershire.

They'll meander in and out of the stunning Cotswolds and finally finish at auction in Stroud.

But before they hit Evesham, time for our celebs to have an early tea break.

So this is what you did all day on "Wish You Were Here", just had coffee.

Oh, all day, of course.

And then everybody thinks, you just went on holiday, for, you know... What did you do?

Well, we left the hotels at about half past eight in the morning - no, half past seven in the morning, we hadn't got up, and then we got back after the inevitable folk dancing at about half past ten at night.

Always folk dancing?

Always folk dancing, around the world... By the way... JUDITH: Ah!

MARK: They're here.

Oh, I say, don't they look smart!

Very!

I told her I wanted debonair - we've got debonair.

Mark.

How're you doing?

I'm Paul.

Mark.

Hi Paul, very nice to meet you.

A Scot... Hello James.

Yes, hello.

It's good to see I recognize you.

Have a lovely time, you two then, but it's needle.

From here on in, yes.

What are you thinking, mother-son relationships, often fraught and tension-filled.

JUDITH: Are you going to guide me well?

Come on.

After you.

Ladies first.

Ladies first.

Of course.

Am I driving?

Are you driving?

Are we going to argue about who has the keys?

Who wears the trousers in this relationship?

You wear the suit.

VO: So with our duos definitely decided, it's time to fly away!

I mean drive off.

Judith's used to getting away quickly and today is no exception.

She's in the driving seat and she's keen to know what James' shopping strategy is.

It has to be something, I think, that is massive, bold, it's going to strike people immediately... Because they can't miss it, sort of thing.

JAMES: Yeah.

JUDITH: Yeah.

And I think that's what we should go for.

Right.

VO: Evesham was founded around its eighth century abbey, one of the largest in Europe, of which only the bell tower still remains.

It's almost surrounded by the River Avon, which is great for boating but has caused several damaging floods.

Will Judith and James face a deluge or a drought of bargains in Twyford Antiques, run by the very helpful Andy?

I'll let you have a look around and give me a shout if you need a hand with anything.

JAMES: Righty-ho.

Wow.

OK. Good gracious.

How do you...

There's so many things here.

Yeah!

A marvelous mixture of everything.

I saw one of those being played in Kakadu in... Australian.

Yes, in Kakadu National Park in Australia, right up in the... Oh, look at that, £160, that.

Well, it's a beautiful one, though.

It's rather beautifully decorated, isn't it?

Hm?

VO: Please, James, didgeri-don't.

(PLAYS DIDGERIDOO) I'm just making it up.

(PLAYS DIDGERIDOO LOUDER) Down there.

I'm going to give up, it's going back.

VO: That's a good idea.

James said they needed something big for auction and he's spotted just that upstairs - a huge pine trunk.

Originally, a 19th century trunk like this would have been covered in leather or cowhide.

ANDY: It's got 220 on it.

JAMES: Oh!

ANDY: We could get down to about 150 but we couldn't get down below that, I don't think.

150.

We've only got 400, you see.

Yeah.

VO: It's looking like it's beyond their budget, but some missing wood and a spot of woodworm give James just the bit of negotiating space he needs.

I think a bit of wood missing is worth at least 50 if not more.

That would make it a hundred now, would it?

ANDY: I was really thinking sort of 120 for that the best, the very best on that.

Which is £100 off.

Yes.

Well, what about another 20 off?

VO: This is a woman who has haggled from Woolamalloo to Timbuktu.

You've got no chance Andy.

Go on.

Hundred quid.

Oh!

OK.

It's quite expensive.

It's a massive chunk.

I mean, it's a quarter of our money.

Is the heat getting to us?

Let's go down into the cold.

Thank you for that.

Well thank you for that.

That's very good of you.

Come on then, let's go and have a... A chinwag.

Yeah.

Let's go back to the front.

You're right.

It's a lot of money.

Well I just feel I want to have the joy of sort of buying more than just one big piece.

Yeah.

VO: Judith's no-nonsense advice helps James focus.

Is that a magnifying glass?

JAMES: Yes.

JUDITH: Yes.

Jeez.

You could have that on your desk, couldn't you?

Well, yes, it would have been used by a craftsman...

I like that.

A watch repairer, or somebody of that nature, so they can... Oh, right.

So that pretends to be £30.

That pretends to be £30 but it sounds more like 20 to me.

VO: Andy's haggling with himself now.

The Chalmers charm has got to him.

So, what, 10?

Ten then.

JUDITH: Ten.

ANDY: Go on, ten.

Would you take 10?

VO: Andy, you're making it too easy for them!

James has scented blood and is now seeing what else he can get in here.

JUDITH: Tell me about this chap.

VO: Now, Judith's always liked a man in uniform.

Even a very short one, like this wee fella.

He's got tartan trews.

I think he's rather super.

VO: Dummy boards like this were popular toys in Edwardian times.

This one has a ticket price of £30.

You looked at a crib earlier, look, there's another.

Oh, for a child's... Oh, isn't that sweet?

A child's doll.

VO: This could be a bed for the soldier.

I think we could probably just about get away with 20 on that if you were keen on it.

VO: So they've gone from one huge item with the trunk to three smaller ones - the lens, the soldier and the cradle, and with Andy in a charitable mood they might just end up with all of them.

45 for a little group.

Mm.

Could we have 40?

Seriously, I think that's what we would...

I can't do any better on any of those I'm afraid.

How about that pine trunk as well then?

JUDITH: You're still hankering after that, aren't you?

JAMES: I think the fact it's pine... JUDITH: Yes.

..it's light wood... it's so practical because it can be a toy box... Alright.

I love the plainness of it.

The plainness of it.

I love the plainness of it.

You said a hundred on that.

We said a hundred on that, 45 on those, so 140 for the four.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

You've got a deal.

Right, shake the gentleman's hand.

Andy, we owe you some money then.

Ah, yes!

VO: Wow, look at that!

Four items bought in one shop.

This might be a short show today.

Let's go over them though - the pine trunk for £100, the magnifying lens for £10, and £30 for the soldier and the crib together makes a grand total of £140.

JAMES: Thank you very much.

Thank you so much Andy.

Right, thank you.

I hope you do well.

Bye again.

VO: While Judith drives a hard bargain in Evesham, Mark and Paul are driving just over three miles down the road to Blackminster.

And on the way, Mark's making sure Paul's competitive edge is sharpened.

This is our moment.

I don't want you to have any sympathy for my mother.

I want you to be cutthroat about this, Paul, and I want you to go for the jugular even though this is my mother we're talking about.

It's not right, is it?

It's not.

There's some deep problem between us.

I feel counselling should follow this trip.

VO: Personally, I'd rather you concentrated on keeping your hands on the wheel!

Thankfully it's not taken long to get to Wizpan Collectibles.

It's run by Mary.

Let's hope she's not feeling contrary.

How do you do?

Mary.

Hello Mary.

This is my friend Paul.

Hi, I recognize you.

You might recognize him off the television.

Yes, I do.

Got a poster of him on your wall?

Not quite, no.

Well, you should have.

VO: Yeah, to throw darts at, maybe.

But let's see if Paul can hit the bullseye in here.

The onyx clock.

VO: In the late 19th century, this lovely French-Algerian onyx clock would have been part of a garniture and flanked by vases on a mantlepiece.

£30 is all I want for that.

Never mind the quality - feel the weight, madam!

Wow, we can put...

There's a surface here.

What we've got to do is set it running.

There should be a pendulum in the back.

Tell me there's a pendulum in there.

There's a pendulum in the back.

(CLOCK CHIMES) It's a miracle!

Isn't it?

I just feel like I've been at the...

I don't know, something extraordinary, it's like being the first man landing on the moon or something.

This is one of those moments, I'll say... You're easy pleased, aren't you?

Well, I have to say, I'm quite excited about that.

VO: It's time for Mark to try and do a deal.

Has he inherited any of his mother's skills?

Mary, we don't like this piece.

(ALL LAUGH) We think it's got no potential at auction.

It's still £30 whether you liked it or not!

VO: Doesn't sound like it, does it?

No, we do like the clock, Mary.

Good.

But what we're trying to do is trying to...

This is a sob story, slightly - I'm in competition with my mother.

Now, as a son you never get to have your chance to shine... VO: Save it for the counselling, Mark.

Mary just wants to talk numbers.

Is 20 out of the... 25, I'll meet you in the middle.

20 sounds... 20 is my lucky number.

Mmm... OK. Mary, really?

Yes.

Thank you Mary, that's fantastic.

Thank you.

Mary, honestly, that is brilliant because we're, we're excited about this.

No, I know, you'll make a lot of money on it.

VO: The first deal.

Paul just can't believe it.

We've hardly walked through the door and we've made a killer... Let me assure you - you've made a stonking good purchase there.

VO: But can they keep it up?

I like that, it gives it character.

PAUL: Oh!

MARK: "Oh!"

You sound like Chewbacca in Star Wars!

VO: Maybe using the force will help Mark find some bargains in the back of the shop.

There's not many people get in my stock room.

Ah, privileged!

MARK: I would love that box.

Shall we glimpse?

Can I throw in the towel now, just hand my mother a trophy?

I mean, this is looking pretty bleak.

Don't weaken Mark, don't weaken!

VO: Just when the boys are about to give up hope, Paul spots a deal on wheels.

Ah.

That's better.

VO: And it gives him a chance to channel his inner Jackie Stewart.

PAUL: That's a G4, GT40, isn't it?

Le Mans winner.

That's what Ford took on the might of Ferrari.

"You program the car, you set its course.

Forward- backward-left-straight-right.

Watch it obey instructions.

Amazing car with a memory you control."

By Mettoy.

Well, you know, I mean it does stir some nostalgic thoughts within my soul.

VO: The strips are cut individually to create different instructions for the car, letting you program its course for hours of fun.

What's it going to be priced at?

Well, I would say, personally, I would say this would be about a tenner.

To Mary, you know, we're good customers of Mary's.

Mary, this tatty old box with a car in it?

You know my style now, the negotiating.

A fiver.

Well, I'm not going to haggle over a fiver.

With Mary and I, that would obviously sully our relationship.

I'll tell you why we're both loving that, it's because it's kind of our era - you're 45, you can tell you're a bit older than me.

I'm a mere 44.

I'm ageing.

And that to me is something I would have loved to have got for a birthday present, and that almost looks like my dad, this looks like you.

I mean, it's got it all.

OK, Mary, that's a deal.

OK. VO: So that's two purchases for the boys - the clock at £20 and the car at £5.

Excellent.

Mary, that's fantastic.

Lovely.

Thank you very much.

No, thank you, Mary.

Nice to do business with you.

I hope you win.

The pleasure has been all ours.

VO: From toy cars to real cars, and Judith and James have traveled 25 miles north from Evesham to Hartlebury.

Here at Hartlebury Castle is the Worcestershire County Museum and it's home to the "Springs, Spas and Holidays" exhibition.

It details the tourism boom that set the template for the package holiday craze that sent Judith round the world for 30 years.

Here to show Judith and James around is Gemma Dhami from Worcestershire Museums.

I'm Judith, how do you do?

Nice to meet you, I'm Gemma.

Alright, Gemma.

Have you met James before?

JAMES: Hi Gemma.

GEMMA: Hi James.

I'm James, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

VO: The health properties of drinking and bathing in Worcestershire's waters have been known locally since the 17th century, but for most of the country it was just too far away, a bit like Spain in the 1960s.

So just like the jet plane and the package holiday, a new type of tourism needed a new form of transport to help it explode.

JAMES: This is what opened it up to the masses.

JUDITH: They sort of had to get here, didn't they, somehow.

Package holidays came a bit later.

Yes.

And this was their way of getting about, as you say, on these trains.

Yes, that's right, that's right.

Mm, mm.

Have you been on...I suppose you must have... Have I been on package holidays?

No, I was going to say, I just thought you might have been on something like the Orient Express.

Yes, I have.

Oh, I knew you would have done!

Of course I have, yes.

Absolutely wonderful, I love train journeys, I've been on the Rocky Mountaineer in Canada and I do love trains, I must say.

VO: And if you were going to take the waters, then just like Judith in the jet age, you would want to travel in style.

Victorian style.

And these are the sort of clothes they wore when they came on holidays then, wasn't it?

GEMMA: And this was typical of sort of the 1890s, what people would wear just to do their traveling to their holiday, so not as comfortable as we'd expect to wear today.

The Capri pants now, isn't it?

That sort of trousers and things.

It's very much a corseted waist, isn't it?

That's right, yes.

Everything drawn in, whalebone corsets.

VO: And of course you needed something large to pack all those corsets and starched Victorian collars into.

People didn't travel light in those days, did they?

No, no, not at all.

People would take pretty much everything they could with them.

We have some great examples here... Beautiful.

..of some of the luggage that people would have used.

I love luggage.

I absolutely love it.

I buy...

I've got a whole loft stuffed with it.

VO: And when you get there - what better way to relax than a nice dip?

Nearby Droitwich became famous for its salty brine which contained 10 times more salt than sea water.

They had actually the St Andrew's brine baths over there, and it was there to treat rheumatism and arthritis because of the buoyancy there, so it was very good for people for improving health.

Well I went a little further than that, as far as a British person is concerned, when I went in fact to the Dead Sea in Jordan, and you could literally - I didn't trust it when they told me that - you could float on it, read a newspaper.

I mean, you didn't have to paddle, you didn't have to do anything with your feet or your hands, just sat on the water, and there you are, floating along, reading your paper.

Absolutely wonderful.

Ah!

VO: Writing "Wish you were here" to the neighbors was another craze we have to thank the Victorians for.

Gemma's got this early example of a postcard from a hop-picking holiday.

The hops and the clean water made the area ideal for brewing.

JAMES: A hop-making holiday?

GEMMA: That's right, yes, it was very popular in the time.

People would actually go and do the hop-making, and you see the process that people went through through the photographs that were sent with the postcard.

I can see how the end result might have been quite fun for the holiday but I would rather cut out the middle bit personally!

Yes, yes.

Would you like to see the end result in your hand?

I think it's about time we did!

So, thank you so much, it's been an...

Thank you for coming.

..absolute pleasure.

It's been absolutely wonderful, Gemma, really.

It was lovely to meet you.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Come on.

Bye.

VO: State-of-the-art transport, flamboyant fashion, loads of luggage, a quick dip, writing postcards and then a beer.

Not so different today, is it?

But while Judith and James have been checking out the history of holidays, Paul's quizzing Mark about the history of Judith.

PAUL: Did you get at an early age how famous your mum was?

Well, I was very aware that people knew who she was, and you'd go shopping and people would sort of go "There's Judith Chalmers", or actually what happened quite a lot of the time - it happens to my mum even now - they go, if you were walking a yard or two behind her, "There's Gloria, there's Gloria Hunniford".

And I'd be thinking 'I don't think my mum's Gloria Hunniford.'

(PAUL LAUGHS) It was a little bit confusing as a child.

But yeah, I'm very proud to have my mum and I think she's a real icon of the broadcasting world.

Without a shadow of a doubt.

And hopefully a really rubbish antiques spotter.

(BOTH LAUGH) VO: And that brings us nicely to Paul and Mark's next shop, five miles back up the road in Evesham.

Yes, it's back to Twyford Antiques and the very obliging Andy.

Right.

Thank you very much for having us look around your shop.

Hopefully you'll find something.

I must admit, we did have quite a lot of really good stuff here earlier, but there was a young lady in this morning who came along... No!

VO: The boys are just going to have to make do with what Judith and James left behind.

PAUL: I wonder how many pieces they bought.

They bought something.

VO: And Mark and Paul need to get on the same page.

These things cost a bit of money, don't they, binoculars.

It's the Antiques Road Trip, not the Second Hand Road Trip!

A bit old school if you ask me.

He's got to move with the times.

Ah.

A vintage Samsonite leather suitcase.

That is some case, by the way, holy Moses!

Isn't that lovely?

That's gorgeous.

MARK: Worth bearing in mind, are we a contender?

Yeah.

VO: Now we're getting somewhere, and hopefully with some nice luggage.

You'd think Judith might have spotted that one.

MARK: What's this thing as well?

VO: Mark, however, has spotted the wood amongst the trees and the auction in Stroud has "wooden items", so he might be onto something.

It's a grain... Yeah.

..shovel.

The sale apparently includes "wood".

And I'm not talking about furniture - wooden collectors' items.

VO: The 19th century malt shovel certainly qualifies as wood.

What on earth would you do with such a thing?

But it might have mileage.

VO: So that's two potentials now, and Mark's spotted another.

Can I just speak patriotically?

To me, this is my Rule Britannia moment.

Andy, how much is your flag?

25.

It's a faded, ragged, not very old... Why not very old?

How do you... Because that's a nylon cord!

What about... Those words are frightening me now.

Dare I turn round?

"What about..." Don't turn round, but look up.

Mary Poppins' original umbrella.

Not joking here.

Actually not joking.

It's literally shot.

If I told you you could fly with this, would you still go "I'm sorry..." PAUL: Humbug!

Paul, we've got to consider this.

Andy, how much would this thing cost?

About £38.

PAUL: What?!

I'm just going to park these here.

Park them permanently!

What?!

Paul, we are under a bit of pressure here, aren't we?

Is it worth just humoring me, possibly?

You want the flag, get the flag.

Get it for virtually nothing.

VO: There's a challenge for Mark.

Andy... Ah!

Um, ah... Is there any way that I can take this off your hands for £5 and it won't blight your landscape anymore?

Would you be prepared to budge on that?

Not five.

Four then, maybe four?

VO: That's it, Mark.

Try and confuse him.

Let's see what else your... OK.

The most audacious question I have for you is, we were wondering whether we could possibly get this for £20?

VO: That's a big discount from its ticket price of £68.

Well, how about the malt shovel and the flag for 30?

Where are you at?

Well, we've got this and this, together, the two - £30.

What's the bottom line on the pair of them?

I can't do better than 25 on that malt shovel, but... You could throw in the flag.

I could throw in the flag.

VO: Andy, you're too nice for this game.

What I haven't made a big fuss about is the parasol, which you know I was keen on, so just... oh, the bell has tolled for the parasol!

£30 all in.

So, we're talking £30.

Go on.

30 quid.

30 quid?

30 quid.

I've got to give you a chance.

VO: £30 then for the flag, shovel and parasol.

You'd think they'd be done with that lot, wouldn't you?

MARK: OK, last question Paul.

Yeah?

The luggage.

Wouldn't it be the ultimate "in your face, mother.

I love you, but I've just sold a suitcase for a million pounds."

VO: At £55 ticket price for the case, Andy's going to need a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down.

Andy, Mary Poppins had a suitcase, she may have not had a Samsonite suitcase, but she needs a suitcase to put down her magic potions in.

Is there any way we can get the case for £20?

So in fact we're going to give you £50, which is actually good, you know, we're at closing time.

Go on.

Go on.

That's a great auction, the Mary Poppins lot, isn't it?

It remains to be seen, but we did it!

VO: Deal done!

Super Paul is realistic, but Mark's taste is atrocious.

Andy, thank you, that's fantastic.

You've been really helpful and very accommodating, so thank you.

Yeah, no problem.

One crisp note.

The deal is done.

PAUL: Thank you, Andy.

Good man.

OK.

Right.

Andy, thank you very much indeed.

VO: It's been a day of mixed family fortunes here in Worcestershire.

But with both our teams ready for a well-earned aperitif, it's bonsoir, buenas noches and nighty night.

VO: It's another day on the road for our mother and son combo of Judith Chalmers and Mark Durden-Smith.

It's not even 9am and already the family ties are being tested.

MARK: Have you got an item that you think might be your...

I'm not talking to you, really, about it, because I was just saying to you yesterday "just tell me if you've got one item or did you get two or what" and you wouldn't even answer me that.

But that would be revealing innately what is at the core of our strategy, which we can't do.

But you've almost just asked me the same thing.

Well I was just trying to make polite conversation... ..between competitors.

PAUL: Well then James, how was the legend that is Judith Chalmers?

JAMES: Lovely, she's lovely.

And she had a great eye as well.

Yeah.

Really?!

Well if there's a gene for that eye for antiques, she didn't pass it on, I'm afraid.

Well... (BOTH LAUGH) Two of these items, in one lot, have no merit!

VO: Now, now Paul, first rule of the road trip - what goes on road trip, stays on road trip.

But what we can say is that Judith and James spent £140 on four items yesterday - the trunk for £100, the toy cradle and soldier at £30 for the two and £10 on the scientific lens.

I think that's great fun actually.

VO: Paul and Mark spent a smaller £75 on... the eclectic six items yesterday... ..the onyx clock for £20, a toy car for £5 and a malt shovel at £25.

Then there was the Mary Poppins job lot in the case, the flag, and the ventilated parasol for £25.

Oh, the bell has tolled for the parasol.

VO: So after yesterday's journey to the middle and north of Worcestershire, today our top traveling teams are in the south of the county to meet up in the stunning little village of Ashton-Under-Hill.

Hi, how are you?

Very good, thank you James, very good.

Morning team captain!

Morning.

How're you doing?

Have a good night's sleep, captain?

Yes.

You?

Very good, very softly...

Morning.

Top of the morning to you.

Don't be too nice to my mother because to be honest with you, she has been rather unforthcoming.

Goodness me.

I've heard a lot from Paul.

You haven't.

Two things... And you assured me... ..that are horrendous, that he tried to persuade you not to buy, believe me, from what I've heard, you shouldn't have bought them.

I don't know whether to play this with a straight face or not, because if you have been indiscreet... Do you realize this is what he's trying to do?

Much as I love him!

VO: Oh James, you are naughty.

That comment has clearly got under Mark's skin.

Did you tell him our trade secrets?

Yeah but don't... Have fun!

Have fun.

Evil mind game player.

VO: So with Mark and Paul left to their recriminations, Judith and James are first onto the road and their destination is nine miles southwest in Gloucestershire.

And it's a chance for James to ask the question that Britain's most famous travel presenter surely has never been asked before.

Of all the places that you've been, and you must have been to hundreds of countries, which is the one that stands out as the best?

Oh, I've never been asked that before(!)

VO: I thought so.

James, it's one of those things that it's hard to answer, but wonderful places.

South Africa, going to New Orleans... ..going to...going to marvelous New Zealand.

VO: Well you won't need your passport for Tewkesbury, Judith.

This lovely town was named after a Saxon hermit, and for 800 years it was a center for milling, but sadly in 2006, the last mill here closed.

But very much open for business is Attica - a treasure trove run by Mark Turner.

How do you do?

Sorry, I should say... JUDITH: Oh look.

Wouldn't you like that?

It's tribal but... Yeah, and you love tribal things.

I know.

Oh, good gracious.

VO: They're certainly coming across the weird and wonderful, but what is there to buy?

Look at the size of that, big copper pan.

£65.

It's a lot of money.

Yeah, there's no profit in it.

It's a good thing though.

VO: No pan do, then.

But what about the Victorian brass desk lamp?

JAMES: How much could it be?

Well... five quid.

VO: A fiver?!

That's surely a steal at that price.

Look at that!

Gosh.

You think it might sell?

VO: Judith's learning.

It's not about whether you like it, it's whether it can make a profit.

And that surely will.

We were talking about something that the porters could hold up at the front so when people see it...

I looked at that from a distance and expected it to be 30 or 40.

Did you?

Yeah.

There you go.

Nice way round that, isn't it, Mark?

When you said we could have it for a fiver.

Yeah.

VO: Still, it would be nice to buy something they both didn't hate!

JAMES: You've got that massive saucepan, what could that be?

25.

25.

This is what makes this good - see this seam here?

It means the base is made out of thicker copper than the sides, so it's a really good indication of quality.

Well, we like that.

I like that, but... VO: But which is most likely to grab the attention at auction?

The matte copper pan that everyone likes or the brass lamp they hate?

There's only one way to find out.

Sir, could I borrow you for a minute?

I'm going to just hold two things up and I want you to tell me if you'd bid on them at auction.

£30.

Yes or no.

You've got two seconds before the hammer goes down.

Yeah, I'd go for that.

Alright.

That lamp?

Oh, no for me.

It'd be 15 quid for that.

20?

At a push.

Would you go 40 on this?

No, no.

VO: The public has spoken.

JAMES: That's where the profit is.

Good luck!

I'm going to have to wear this, aren't I?

You are.

You don't like it either!

..cuz you bought that.

Exactly.

Oh dear.

There we go.

That's a great buy.

JUDITH: How much would that be?

That's 25 and that's a fiver.

So that's £30.

How about we take this with pride and that at agreed?

JUDITH: At £30?

JAMES: At £30 the two.

How about that?

Would that do?

Fine, fine.

VO: So with pride still intact and after a lot of faffing, the deal is done at £30 for both.

..very much indeed.

Thank you.

VO: Mark's pride, however, has most certainly been dented by this morning's revelation that Paul may have spilled the beans to James.

Did you tell him anything about our items we bought yesterday?

Particularly two items that you weren't particularly fond of?

He knows that we had a good laugh over a couple of contentious purchases, he has no idea what we've bought.

Well, I don't like the fact you've talked to him, I can't help it.

Do I sense regret?

Well no, not at all.

No, I had to fight my corner, you're a very domineering man.

(PAUL LAUGHS) VO: Indeed.

Paul and Mark are now also in the lovely town of Tewkesbury.

Their first stop is an antiques shop cannily called...Antiques.

And the owner is Darius.

Darius, good to see you.

I'm Paul.

This is Mark.

I'm the other man, I'm Mark.

VO: Mark's already spotted something on the way in, so it's back outside to see the stock on the street.

Everything says to me "profit".

PAUL: The enamel sign.

Yeah.

I love those things.

"Colman's Starch."

You know who loves these?

Who?

Petrolheads.

Classic car mob.

Would they like to have some starch sign on their wall?

Why is that?

They decorate the insides of their garages with them.

Glass enameled on steel, chipped, rusted and rotten.

I bet you he wants 300 quid for that.

No!

You are kidding me!

Big bucks.

They love these.

At auction, what's it worth?

100?

£200?

VO: Interesting.

Let's see what price Darius has got in mind.

I think it's about £90.

About 90.

VO: But is it right for the auction audience in Stroud?

If we want the answer to the question "what's going to do well at this auction", give them a call.

VO: Quite within the rules.

Mark gives them a call.

Hi there.

That is Stroud Auction House?

We're trying to work out what kind of items are selling well at the moment.

I'm standing by a sign, a tin sign.

OK, that's good to know.

Second question is what about flags?

Are, sort of, Union Jacks selling well still despite it not being the jubilee year?

VO: He couldn't let it lie, could he?

No?

OK. Just don't tell Paul you said that to me.

That's just between us because he doesn't seem to trust me on this.

Cheers.

VO: I think "not the jubilee year" was the key phrase in that conversation.

Time to admit you were wrong, eh Mark?

Flags, holes or not, doing big business.

Flags especially sell, basically?

Yeah, yeah.

Honestly, it's going to be amazing.

Two, signage - good, as long as it's not too rusty and you've got the bits where they can bolt it onto a wall still intact.

I'm telling you, yeah.

Well it's absolutely not capable of being bolted to a wall at the moment.

VO: So with the Colman's sign not cutting the mustard, what else is calling out to be purchased?

What is it?

It's a siren, a World War II air raid siren.

How do you just make up this twaddle just like that?

Oh, I was... (BOTH LAUGH) VO: It's actually a 1930s loud speaker for a radio, from the period when the two parts were sold separately.

MARK: I love it, I love it.

PAUL: A stunning object.

I love it.

And I do think an interior designer might be looking round at auction houses going "do you know what?

I could do with something with that".

That needs to be 35 quid.

VO: Here comes another unique Mark negotiation.

Do you like your mother?

Yes I do, of course.

So you love your mother, right, and I love my mum, but you know that moment you just need to say "it's my turn now"?

Yeah.

I'm at that crossroads in my life, so that is why I'm prepared to offer you £10.

Ten I can't do.

And with that eyeball to eyeball thing?

Can't do it.

Do you want to see an grown man crying?

I'll tell you what I would do - I'd have a gamble with you.

Oh!

Now I'm interested.

Yeah, go on.

How about we toss a coin, 15 or 20?

How about we toss a coin, 15 or 10?

How about we toss a coin, 25 or 10?

VO: This is more like it!

Never mind the auctions, why don't we do this on every show?

PAUL: Whoa-hoa!

Did I see the ante just go up?

20 or 10.

20 or 10.

25 or nothing.

Whoa!

VO: This is high stakes stuff.

Don't offer the car, Mark, it doesn't belong to you.

OK. 25 or nothing, on the flip of a coin.

You say heads, I say tails.

PAUL: Heads!

Oh no!

Oh, I shall never emerge from my mother's shadow.

Never.

It looks like her head on there as well.

It's haunting me.

VO: We'll leave Mark to deal with his issues to remind you it's cost them £25 for the radio horn.

That was the way it had to work.

Loving your work, man.

That was excellent.

And it's still a good buy.

Well, you say that, but I'm keeping that.

(PAUL LAUGHS) VO: Elsewhere on the streets of Tewkesbury, Judith and James are about to hit their last shop for the day.

It's Coach House Antiques, and it's spread over a whacking two floors.

Here to show them round are Ruth the owner and her junior assistant Geoff.

The four floors of this townhouse include a "retro room" to get you all nostalgic.

JAMES: Have a look at this.

Original early white telephone.

JUDITH: Oh yeah.

Oh my goodness.

Do people want that?

Yeah they do, they love them.

It's very retro, it's very modern, it's very young.

How much could that be?

GEOFF: To you, 15.

JUDITH: Oh, oh!

OK. That's cheap enough, innit?

Yes.

OK. Let's have a think about that.

Hey, look!

VO: James has spotted an old friend of Judith's.

It's Concorde.

Oh, it's lost its nose.

What a shame.

I wonder if... Look.

It's been broken off there.

What a pity, James.

I'd have loved to buy that myself.

It'd be very you, wouldn't it?

Well, it would go with the photograph of me with my arm round the nose, yes, but it is the nose that's missing so that's rather a shame.

VO: Back to the retro phone then.

The rare ones are slightly more angular, and in the day when they were really popular, I sold one at auction for £200.

Good gracious.

A white one.

How much have we spent?

Well we spent 140 before.

Yesterday.

Yeah.

And 30 today, so that's 170.

We haven't spent half yet.

I know, it's such a waste!

We've got... 170, 30, we've got 230.

What about a nice Victorian desk?

VO: There's an idea, Ruth.

This large late Victorian mahogany writing desk is just the kind of statement piece James wants - but can he afford it?

How much could it be?

It could be 200.

Oh blimey.

What do you think?

Do you like the desk?

Yes, and I think people would like it.

But...the lowest it could make on a really bad day - £80.

JUDITH: Oh.

On a normal day it might make 120-130.

So that's where we're at, sort of psychologically.

So where does that leave you?

RUTH: So...

So, 95.

VO: My goodness, that's a big drop, Ruth.

Ooh, help.

It's got lots of little breakages on the handles, which is against it.

RUTH: OK. 90.

I wasn't...I wasn't doing that to try and knock you down!

VO: Oh, a likely story James.

Still, the offer stands at £90.

£90, you've got a deal.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

VO: And with the desk for £90, Judith and James are all shopped out.

But with Paul's love of the military and Mark's love of not just rugby but any sport, they've decided to travel 10 miles up the road to Hanley Swan and the National Fencing Museum.

They're also going to find out more about a mysterious boundary- pushing early star of the sport.

The museum is actually a private collection and a labor of love for fencing enthusiast Malcolm Fare.

Mark, very nice to meet you.

And you.

VO: It contains early examples of both the equipment and the rules of the sport that Malcolm has collected over the years.

Fencing has its roots in 16th century dueling with rapiers, but by the 17th century it had developed from dueling practice into a sport.

Rules were formally written down and the rapier developed into the foil.

You love your weaponry, you're casting a very envious eye at that, aren't you?

Indeed.

Look at that, my word.

So that's an early weapon.

Can I ask a very inane question?

How much - because he's all about profit - but actually how much would it cost to buy an antique original foil like that?

Well, I was lucky in that it turned up at a provincial auction room that had no idea what it was, and so it cost me less than £100.

But I have paid, in France, more than £800 for a later weapon, which was also quite rare, so it depends who knows and who the customer is.

There's auctions for you.

Yeah, there you go.

Be afraid.

We live the dream, but hopefully it won't come to sword-fighting tomorrow.

VO: By the late 18th century, famous fencers were the David Beckhams of their day and they were asked to compete in front of the biggest fencing fan in the country - the Prince of Wales.

This painting shows a famous match between the Chevalier St George and an enigmatic trailblazer - the Chevalier D'Eon.

D'Eon was an extraordinary character.

He was a soldier for 40-odd years, he was a diplomat, he was a spy for Louis XV... ..and he was a very good fencer.

VO: But he also had a penchant for cross-dressing.

It might have started to aid his spying in Russia and England or perhaps just because he enjoyed it.

But in 1777 at the age of 49, and living as political exile in London, he began to claim he was anatomically female and decided to live as a woman.

For various reasons, he got into deep financial difficulties.

And he was also beginning to see perhaps there were advantages to pretending to be a woman.

He would be more sympathetically treated, and he wanted to go back to France and clear up his family affairs.

VO: But because of his role in a spying scandal, the king wanted to make sure he wouldn't regain his previous place as a male noble in society.

So a strange sort of deal was agreed.

Louis XV said "well OK, come back to France, sort out your affairs, but if you are a woman, you must dress as a woman."

And reluctantly, he dressed as a woman, trying at the same time to return to the army.

But they would have nothing to do with him.

VO: He can't have been that reluctant, because in 1785 he returned to England but still chose to live as a woman.

And in fact for the last 14 years of his life, he rented a room in a boarding house, and his landlady had no idea that he was a man, and when the doctor came to examine the body and said "well, this is the body of a man", she was astounded.

As she was.

You can't really blame her, can you?

VO: No one quite knows what his motivations for living as a woman were, but as for the match against the Chevalier St George, D'Eon won seven points to one, so go girl!

In the spirit of Chevalier D'Eon, Mark is going to have a go at fencing.

He's not going to wear women's clothes, but he is going to wear all the necessary safety equipment.

MARK: Haaa!

Maybe you should give me some technical assistance here, if you can, Malcolm.

First of all, you come en garde like this with both legs bent, and then you straighten the arm and lunge.

Hwar!

Huh!

Hee-aw!

Ya!

Hoo!

Ha!

And at the end of it, do we... Then you salute.

You bring your foil up to your...and then you salute like that your opponent.

That's right.

As if we're downing arms?

That's right.

Now I reveal my identity.

Me.

The greatest swordsman in the west.

Well that's fantastic, thank you Malcolm.

But it's the rudiments, it's a very elegant sport done properly and it's a very inelegant sport when done like I just did it.

But thank you, I've got the basics.

A pleasure.

And I shall be employing them at you before you know it.

Thank you.

Let's go off.

Next mission.

VO: And the next mission is the reveal, which Malcolm has very kindly lent us his garden for.

The logistics look impressive.

We've got more than you have.

(ALL LAUGH) As we all know, size doesn't matter.

There we go.

OK. Oh, I like the lamp.

VO: Really?!

You like the lamp?

Yeah, love the lamp.

VO: You're about the only one, Paul.

Just you and me.

Is that a bullseye condenser?

Is that what it is?

Bullseye condenser?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a bullseye condenser.

Which you had no idea what it was.

Of course we knew exactly it was a bullseye condenser!

Bullseye condensers are so last year.

(ALL LAUGH) Last year they were flying off the shelves.

This year, no one's interested.

So, we've a desk, we have rather nice pine kist.

Call it what you will, but I like the vaulted top, this is nice.

But... Don't be too complimentary.

..the soldier, it's like a wee dummy board.

I like that.

So, your total spend?

Two-hundred and... How's it got a two at the beginning?!

..and 60 quid.

260.

Wow.

No, no, no, no.

You're almost throwing in the towel with this attitude.

Throwing in the flag.

VO: Come on, boys, show us your stuff.

I think we're going to do this together, the first thing we've done together in harmony in the last few days.

Ta-da-da-da-dah.

Ah!

Oh!

MARK: Not quite such an impressive volume.

One lot.

This is the Mary Poppins going on holiday lot.

And flying the flag.

We've got a little parasol here, the flag - they love the flags, the modern day market for a flag with a hole in it - huge.

It took a little bit of twisting of arm.

No, that is a...

I'm sure it's a great winner, that.

Explain the rest, because the rest is, you know, stuff.

Onyx.

OK. Late 19th century, French, gilt metal-mounted onyx classical architectural case clock.

How much?

But... 20 Ooh!

JUDITH: That's good.

I mean seriously.

How much have you spent altogether, then?

That's the good news.

We've spent... £100.

Oh!

No!

And the flag itself I think will go for 100.

How much was the case?

Oh, don't touch it, I don't want any of your bad karma on our stuff!

Well, I think you've done really well.

VO: Is that what you really think, James?

I think we have got the best lot by a mile, and the thing that makes me most confident is the fear in Paul's eyes.

I can't tell you how lacking in optimism I am.

I see this big stuff and they've got that desk for 90, which could go for... PAUL: I can't believe they got the desk for 90.

The flag, the flag with a hole in it - I'm not too keen on that.

The flags, no.

The parasol, no.

The game, no.

The malt shovel...

The clock's good.

The clock is...

The clock is super.

That is their winning lot.

OK, do we need to go and rest now before the big battle commences?

VO: And so onto auction.

Our destination is 33 miles south through the Cotswolds and into Gloucestershire, home to sunny Stroud.

Are you excited today, Mother, about the prospect of the auction?

Excited is one word, yes, cuz it's the culmination of what we've been doing which has been great, but nervous is another word which is applying to me today.

PAUL: That reveal, I've got to say, I had a little offering - you had an antiques shop!

(BOTH LAUGH) There's my lucky cow, just so you know.

Let's ask this chap.

Morning.

Who do you think is going to win the great auction showdown?

(COW MOOS) Ooh, maybe not!

Right... Oh gosh.

I think he was winding up for a charge, wasn't he?

I think we had a close shave there.

Let's get to this auction house before it all gets too rural.

VO: Well they all seem in the "mooood" for today's auction.

It's in the gorgeous Cotswold town of Stroud.

It's been called "Notting Hill with wellies" thanks to its thriving artistic community and various festivals.

Today's auctioneers are the Stroud Auction Rooms, and they've been on the go for 10 years and recently took the title of the UK's number one online auctioneers.

Today's auctioneer is James Taylor.

What's he seen that's hot and what's not?

I know we've got a lot of buyers who like buying toys and kind of retro things that remind them of their childhood, so the racing car set stands out quite nicely in this sale.

If we had to name one item that was going to struggle the most, we'd probably say it was the magnifying glass.

It's a bit of a random one, and to be honest, we're not really sure how it's quite going to fare in the auction.

VO: Whoops!

And just raring to get off the ground are our two teams.

Oh dear.

PAUL: What's that?

MARK: Ready for action!

(ALL LAUGH) You men, you know.

Boy racers.

Morning, partner.

How are you?

Good morning.

Hello, hello.

The time has come.

I've been awake half the night wondering what's going to happen.

Oh my word.

Well, destiny awaits us through those doors.

Shall we go?

Come on.

Let battle commence.

Try and keep it friendly.

It's my mother after all.

VO: So to recap, both teams started the trip with £400, and Judith and James have flown first class, spending £260 on seven items, which they've made into five lots.

Mark and Paul have gone economy, only spending £100, but also on seven items which they've made into five lots.

Looks like there's a few no-shows in business class today, but there are phone and internet bidders to help the prices fly.

So, with both teams strapped in and the safety announcements made, let the family feud begin!

VO: The first item is Mark and Paul's malt shovel.

Well, there's already been some bids come in online.

Thank goodness.

Fair bit of commission interest means I'm straight in at £45, is there eight?

£45 bid's with me on the book, now looking for eight.

48's on the net, 50 still with me, is there two?

At £50, five.

55, takes me out on the internet, 60 still with me.

Sorry, is there five?

At £65 on the internet, now looking for 70.

At £65, I'm selling to the net at 65.

Well done, guys!

VO: Fantastic start for the boys there.

A £40 profit straight off the bat - I mean shovel.

Next it's the scientific lens, or bullseye condenser, to use its technical name.

Our auctioneer James thought it might struggle.

But was he off target?

And I'm bid straight in at £22.

Is there five?

25's on the net.

28 still with me, is there 30?

At £28, looking for 30.

30 on the net now, two still with me, is there five?

At £32, the bid still with me, now looking for five.

35 takes me out on the net, now is there eight?

At £35 off the book and on the internet and I'm selling to the net at 35.

VO: A great start for Team Chalmers too.

A magnified profit of £25.

Next it's Paul and Mark's 1960s battery-operated car.

Will someone drive a hard bargain to get it?

Little bit of interest in it means I'm straight in at £28.

Is there 30?

30 on the net, 32 is with me, is there five?

At 35, 38's with me, is there 40?

At £38, 40 takes me out on the internet now, is there two?

At £40, it's off the book and on the internet, and I'm selling to the net at 40.

Percentage-wise, that has got to be the most successful buy!

VO: James is right, that's a stunning 700% profit before auction costs.

If you could make that on a real car, you'd live the rest of your life in the fast lane.

For the next lot, Judith and James have combined the George III copper saucepan with the Victorian desk lamp.

And a lot of commission interest, I'm straight in at £100.

Is there 110?

At £100, the bid's with me on the book, 110's on the net, 120 is with me, is there 130?

At 120, 130, 140 is with me, is there 150?

At £140, it's on the book now, looking for 150.

At £140, I'm selling on the book at 140.

Well done guys, well done.

VO: That's a truly copper-bottomed profit to light up Judith's day.

It's the Mary Poppins lot of the 1950s suitcase, the air-conditioned Victorian parasol - ha!

- and the shabby Union Jack.

If this can make a profit, anything can.

I am shifting uncomfortably here, because it was on my head be it.

I have commission interest straight in at £28, is there 30?

At £28, 30's on the net, is there two?

32 is still with me, is there five?

At £32, the bid's 35, 38 still with me, is there 40?

At £38, the bid still with me.

40, 42 still with me, is there five?

At £42, 45 takes me out on the net now, is there eight?

At £45, it's off the book and on the internet, looking for eight.

At £45, I'm selling to the net at 45.

PAUL: It's a profit.

MARK: It's a profit.

PAUL: It's a profit.

VO: Amazing.

The auction gods must be British.

Next, it's a combined lot again of the George III toy cradle and the Scottish soldier.

Atten-shun, everyone!

And we've had a lot of interest in this lot in this morning, and I'm bid straight in at £80, is there five?

85 on the net, 90 still with me, is there five?

At £90, 95, 100, still with me, is there 110?

110, 120's with me, is there 130?

130 takes me out on the net now, is there 140?

VO: Goodness!

This internet lark is really delivering today.

At £130, I'm selling to the net at 130.

Good old soldier!

He's run through our meagre defenses.

VO: Child's play, eh?

Another whacking profit for Judith and James.

Mark and Paul are doing OK, but need some big profits to gain ground on Team Chalmers.

They have high hopes for the French 19th century onyx clock.

It's straight in with me at £42, is there five?

45's on the net, 48's with me, is there 50?

55's still with me, is there 60?

At £55, 60 takes me out on the internet now, is there five?

At £60, I'm selling to the internet now at 60.

Oh-ho-ho-ho.

Oh-ho-ho.

VO: The pine trunk is up next.

It was their most expensive purchase, so it could bring a big loss.

But will fortune favor the brave?

Someone bid in at £110, is there 120?

At £110, 120, 130 is with me, is there 140?

140, 150 is with me, is there 160?

At 160, 170 is with me, is there 180?

At £170, it's on commission, now looking for 180.

At 170, I'm selling.

It's officially a bloodbath.

It's an absolute bloodbath.

JUDITH: I thought it might go a bit further.

Yeah.

VO: But it was certainly enough profit to put you well into the lead, Judith.

Listen up everyone, it's the 1930s radio loudspeaker.

The boys need this one to make in the region of £100 profit to stay in the game.

OK, this is the heart of the battle.

Come on, come on, this is going to be it.

Bid's in with me at £28, is there 30?

At £28, the bid's on the book, now looking for 30.

30's on the net, 32 is with me, is there five?

At £32, 35, 38's still with me, is there 40?

At £38, it's still with me, 40, 42 still with me, is there five?

At £42, 45, 48 still with me, is there 50?

At 50, takes me out on the internet, now is there five?

At £50 it's off the book and on the internet and I'm selling to the net at 50.

VO: That's not music to the boys' ears, but they have still done remarkably well by racking up a profit on every lot.

It's the final lot now, the writing desk.

A profit on this will mean Judith and James also haven't made a single loss.

PAUL: Good luck, folks.

Good luck.

And I'm bid straight in at £120, is there 130?

VO: And straight into profit.

Fantastic.

At 120, it's on the book, now looking for 130.

130 on the phone?

130 on the phone.

140's with me, 150?

150, 160's with me, 170?

170, 180's with me, 190?

I'm out, 190 on the telephone, now is there 200?

At £190, the bid's on the phone, now looking for 200.

Net's quiet, and I'm selling to the phone at 190.

That'll do though.

That'll do.

VO: And yet another great profit for Judith and an incredible road trip grand slam of a profit on every single lot from both teams.

We've had a lot of fun, haven't we?

Alright guys, off we go.

VO: So, let's see how they finished.

Both teams today started with a £400 holiday - sorry, antiques budget.

Mark and Paul's eclectic mix of souvenirs made a profit of £113.20 after auction costs, leaving them with a three star total of £513.20.

Well done.

But Judith and James' eye catching collection won the day, making a profit of £285.30 after auction costs.

This gives them a five star total of £685.30, leaving Judith with the bragging rights at Christmas dinner.

Ha!

James!

Hats off.

There's nothing we can do about it.

JAMES: Well done!

JUDITH: How exciting!

Can I just say, phenomenal.

Mother, you've been teaching me lessons about not picking my nose and brushing my hair, but that is the ultimate lesson.

Can I kiss you too?

Well done.

And James, well done.

What fun, what fun.

It's been a wonderful experience.

We've loved it.

But now I need my mother back, I'm afraid, cuz I must return her to my father.

Your mother's never gone anywhere, really!

It was a pleasure.

The bromance is over.

It's been great.

Not just a holiday romance though.

This will carry on.

James, thank you.

Super.

VO: She's been to Nice and the Isles of Greece, but has Judith ever been on a trip quite like this one?

I doubt it.

All of her and Mark's profits will be going to Children In Need.

Until next time, then.

Bon voyage!

ALL: Bye.

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